What Happened in Bed Last Night

I have a bedtime routine. Seth is down around 7, then we have dinner, watch our "shows", and hang out, the usual. At 11 I head to bed, pump, watch Scrubs, and crash. Seth has mostly been sleeping through the night, so I've been sleeping all the way until morning.

So picture my shock when someone stroking my cheek wakes me out of a deep sleep. "What the..." I start, ready to shove John off the bed for disturbing me when I'm this exhausted. Right before I do, I realize it isn't John.

It's my four-year-old daughter, gently stroking my cheek and saying, "Mama, I need to be with you. I need to spend time with you."

Oh no. Not that...not the "I need you" line. I'm a total sucker for it.

So I tell her she can stay, as long as she goes right to sleep. "OK, Mama, thank you."

I finally drift back off. What feels like two seconds later, I hear groaning beside me. Loud, loud groaning.

"I am so hungry! I am HUNGRY! I am huuuuuuuuuungry!"

Apparently Ava is hungry. I try to stall her, telling her to just sleep for a few minutes, figuring if she nods off she'll forget about being hungry.

"But Mama. I am STAAAARVING!"

By now I'm thinking she's actually loud enough to wake her brother. Her deaf brother. Yes. She's loud enough to wake a brother to whom a jet plane sounds like a whisper.

I'm tired. I don't care. She gets a slice of bread in our bed, which promptly becomes millions of tiny crumbs all over the bed, which drives me crazy. But I'm tired! So tired that I know I can force myself back to sleep, even with a lanky four-year-old sprawled diagonally across the bed and demon crumbs everywhere.

When I wake again, there's screeching. And screaming. And crying.

"My sword! She is bending my sword!"

"He is in my SPACE"

[Infant Crying. Loudly. Remember, he has no volume control.]

What? No way. I slowly open my eyes and look at the bed.

There can't be five people in my bed, right? This has to be a bad dream. It isn't even fully LIGHT out yet! This is a bad dream. I take inventory. I'm in bed. Beside me is Ava. Beside Ava is Jace. They're wrestling over a foam sword. He's also wearing his superhero cape. Beside Jace is John, who is apparently pretending he can't hear the fight happening right next to him. Beside John is Seth, who started the evening in his bassinet, so I'm a bit confused about how he ended up next to John. Seth is yelling loudly and rooting furiously around John's arm.

It isn't even 6 am yet. And apparently, it's time to get up. Thank God we have a king-size bed!