Profoundly Seth: Here we Are

Here We Are: A Thanksgiving Reflection

When I stepped away from writing here regularly, I genuinely missed it. The piece I had planned to share a year ago this week was difficult to put into words. After the ups and downs my life had been through, I had no idea how readers would respond. As always, everyone surprised me. I have been deeply blessed by the people who follow what I write, and I should have trusted that you would keep being kind.

This week I went back through the comments on that post, and I was moved all over again by how sincerely happy everyone was for us, even though our path was fairly uncommon. Even so, pulling back felt like the right choice so we could focus on living our story rather than narrating it. And here we are, one year later.

What Reconciliation Has Taught Us

Back then I didn't say much about our reconciliation because I was right in the middle of it. I didn't want anyone to think I was handing out advice or that I had everything figured out, since John and I were simply learning as we went. We have never once doubted our decision to reconcile, but it has still been hard at times.

In the beginning, I think it was tougher for John, when his guilt weighed on him most. For me, the hardest realization was that I still had forgiving left to do even when I believed I was finished, and that I carry my own security and self-esteem struggles that grew out of our divorce. Thanks to what we have learned about each other, and about handling these challenges without letting them harm us as a couple and a family, I can tell you now, more than a year after reconciling, that our marriage is stronger and better than it has ever been.

Sometimes it surprises me that things can be this good after everything we have been through, especially since it was never this way before our divorce. We loved each other and we loved our family, but we didn't know how to be married, and combined with the stress we were under, our marriage was not a model for anyone. Now we are older and wiser, and it shows in every part of our relationship.

Starting Over Somewhere New

I used to think it would be a relief to live where no one knew our story, where I wasn't the single mom people pitied or where everyone didn't know John and I were remarrying. We certainly had some memorable conversations when we got our marriage license or booked wedding vendors; it turns out that sharing a last name makes people assume you're related, which is always a little awkward.

Now we have moved a couple of hours away so Seth can attend a school designed for children who are deaf but use spoken language, and no one here knows us. I go to MOPS, we found a new church, and we have been here more than three months. As far as anyone can tell, we are just a typical family with five children. I expected that to feel like a relief, but honestly, I dislike keeping our story a secret, because our story has become something I am proud of.

The Daily Sacrifices and Blessings

Our life is not easy, and honestly it never will be. We keep finding ourselves in situations that stretch our faith and our determination. John currently commutes nearly two hours to work so Seth can attend his new school, and it is hard on him. Seth has his own long commute, with long days at school and on the bus home. I miss them both terribly.

In many ways I am still the primary caregiver most days, and that is hard. It is hard on me, and it is hard on John because of how much he wants to be home. I am still in school, which sometimes feels like it will never end. But no matter how difficult life gets, it is even more blessed. John has a good job where he is respected and liked, and in this economy that is something many people don't have. Yes, I am on my own with the kids a lot, but John's emotional support makes a bigger difference than you might realize. I never feel alone.

Seth is gone all day now, but in just two weeks at his new school he has made truly remarkable progress. As a parent, you fight for what your child needs without stopping to think about how it will affect you. When I realized Seth would see his teacher more waking hours than he would see me, I was really sad. Seeing such quick progress was exactly what I needed to know that the sacrifices we are making for this school are completely worth it.

Our kids are growing up, and every day I am amazed at how secure they are considering how chaotic their lives have been these past few years. I love how God has protected their hearts and helped them accept every new change with grace, and most of all, adjust so well to being a complete family again.

A Thanksgiving Full of Gratitude

This Thanksgiving I have a great deal to be thankful for. My life is crazy, beautiful, and blessed, and we are still choosing joy. One of the things I am most grateful for is the relationships this blog has brought me. I can't count the emails I have received from women who are hurting, or from families struggling through a stillbirth or coping with the shock of a hearing loss diagnosis. It is truly a privilege to come alongside these families in a small way.

There is nothing quite like that moment when all hope drains out of you in the middle of a tragedy. I can't promise an outcome, and I don't know what will happen. But I do know, without a doubt, that great good can come from great sorrow, and I have been blessed enough to see it happen again and again in my life. Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all have something wonderful to be thankful for this year.

Posted by El at 9:40 AM