Thursday, February 12, 2009

For Eli

"For I know the plans I have for you" DECLARES the LORD. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

If you're here from MckMama's blog, thanks for visiting! Please feel free to take some time and read our story, posted in the nav bar above, or click on Eli's name in my post categories to learn more about him.

Since I'm sure many of you are coming because of MckMama's menton of Eli, I wanted to introduce you to our son. He was born on March 28th, 2007, and there is not a day that goes by that I do not miss him and wish he was here with me.

We don't know why Eli died...he was a completely healthy baby who died mere hours before he was born. If I had gotten to the hospital moments sooner, chances are he would be here today.My biggest goal since his death is to glorify God through his memory and leave a lasting legacy for him. If you have gone through or are going through anything similar, please email me! If I have learned anything in the almost two years since Eli's death, it is that we need each other. The grief of losing a child is so great, you cannot hold it all inside.

What I do know is that he is just as important, as life changing, to us, as any one of our other children, and that no matter what happens, he is and was a person. He had likes and dislikes, he might have been funny like my son Jace or cuddly like my daughter Ava. We'll just never know this side of heaven. But the biggest thing is that God is bigger than Eli's loss. He knew that he was going to take Eli, just like he knew that he was going to give Stellan back. I don't understand it, but that's not my job. My job is to do the best with what I've been given, and although I don't always do that, I try my best, and that's what He asks of us. I miss Eli so much that it's like a physical ache in my chest. Even in the midst of that aching, I know that people and lives have been changed because of our son, and I thank and praise God every day for the 8 months I got with him.

We were blessed to get time. Not enough time, but more time that lots of people get. Time to marvel over his huge feet. Time to wash his curly black hair. Time to kiss him all over his face and body, just as we would over any other baby. Time to sing him all the lullabies I could remember. Eli changed our life, and I don't ever want to go back the the way it was, the oblivious way we lived like we were entitled to a healthy child. No one is entitled to anything, and I will never take one second of my beautiful, blessed life for granted again.

Thanks for letting us share Eli with you, and please consider sticking around...we have something very big planned for his birthday next month and I can't wait to tell you all about it!





26 comments:

Samantha said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story- your son is beautiful.

Connie Mae said...

Sorry for your loss! My daughter shares his exact birthday and it made me realize how difficult it would be to lose a child. I will be checking back to see what you have planned for his birthday. I will be praying for Seth. God will take care of you!

~ shi ~ said...

Yes, I came from MckMama's blog, and now sit crying with you at your loss! Your Eli is so beautiful and precious! I am sorry that you were forced into the club! I am going to read your blog now, God Bless and your family. Shi~

Junita said...

Oh I just want to share some tears with you and give you a hug. So many women with lost babies, I think the more stories that can be shared, the greater community will evolve.

Jaymie said...

I came across your blog through MckMama's blog, and I want you to know how deeply sorry I am for your loss. My sister lost her first baby, Dylon Jacob at 30 weeks gestation on March 1st 2005. I think your both brave to keep going for your other children. I look forward to reading more.

cara said...

from MckMama's...
you have a beautiful family! Eli is just precious. praying for you all
cara

StephanieU74 said...

I'm from MckMama's blog too, but I am not a mom. I've never been pregnant, and I don't ever want to be pregnant.

But I am a very proud auntie of 3 gorgeous toddler nieces and someone else on the way whom I hope will be a nephew. Even though I didn't birth these children, I would die for them, move heaven and earth for them, and pray unceasingly to our Heavenly Father for them and their parents.

So I can't imagine the pain you feel at loosing Eli. He is a gorgeous little guy; I'm tearing up just thinking about him not being a grown up boy, in your arms, in your hearts.

Thank you for sharing your story; all of your children are precious and beautiful. God bless you on your journey.

Shanda said...

El~
So glad that so many will have the opportunity to read your story over the next few weeks. I know it had to have been bittersweet to write this post today. Praying for you girl!

HUGS!
Shanda

~*Michelle*~ said...

God bless you.....and your beautiful family. Thank you for sharing Eli with us....

Peace
*~Michelle~*

Julie said...

Beautiful post El. You truly amaze me. You are a wonderful young woman. Thanks for sharing your story.

Jill Elaine said...

Ellyn, I'm so glad you have such great pictures and memories of the day Eli was born. My Mother lost a baby when I was 3. Stillborn at the hour. Her blood pressure was way too high but they did nothing about it and the cord came loose from my Mother and my brother died.
I was young but I remember small details. My mother crying, staying with my Grandma, seeing my Mom and Dad get to the cemetary for the graveside service, noticing that my Mother sat on a pillow in the car. But back then the doctors didn't want you to even see your baby. They told my parents to go home and forget they'd had a baby. They had to push to even see him and they didn't hold him. I never saw him. Like I said, I was young, so life for me pretty much went on as normal. I remember Mom putting some baby things away one day and I remember praying every night for God to send us a baby. He did and my baby sister was born 14 months after my brother died. My brothers name was Bradley Rhyan. Today I have a daughter we named Larke Rhyan. Sometimes when I stop to really think about it I miss that baby brother I never even saw. Someday I plan to get to know him well - in heaven.
I'm sending you hugs today and saying a prayer for comfort. Your loss will always be real to you even as the pain fades with time. Keep looking up.
Blessings,
Jill

Sonya said...

I came over from MckMama's blog. Thank you for sharing your story. He is beautiful!

4 Lettre Words said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
4 Lettre Words said...

Ellyn, I so love that pic of his little foot imprinted. I don't remember seeing that one on your blog. So sweet!

Eli was such an amazing creation of God. Our angel-babies were much younger when they went to be with Jesus, but they are still loved as if we had held them. And, I still miss them.

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend. The weather is great in Atlanta, so it must be nice in Florida! :o)

P.S. I deleted my first post b/c I just can't type crying!!


Dina

Jaci said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful son with us. I am so sorry for your loss. I will check back to see what you have planned for his birthday.

Laura said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss! Eli is a beautiful boy! My son was also born with a head full of black hair! He reminds me so much of Eli.

Anna said...

Thanks for sharing your story - I've enjoyed hopping over here from McMama's blog...you have a beautiful family!

mrsrubly said...

yes i came over through mckmama site...your Eli is a very handsome little boy..well your entire fam for that fact. checkin in and meeting your family! click on my name and you'll meet mine!

Becca said...

Hi, I came over from MckMama's blog as well. Eli is beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, and I have added you to my Bloglines so that I can follow your blog! :)

E said...

I'm so glad that MckMama shared your link so more people will come to your site and get to know Eli's story. That's awesome. I hope to watch your numbers grow.

The photos are awesome because they say so much.....

Momma Mango said...

Eli is beautiful. I'm so sorry for your aching hearts... Praying for you.

Mandy & Jeremy Hall said...

AHh the tears won't stop..... The 28th is quickly approaching--I don't know if I'm ready....

Anonymous said...

I am also from MckMama’s blog and wanted to come over to read your story. Thank you for sharing Eli and the rest of your family with us. I only got to read your most current post but will take time next week to read more. I can’t wait to read more about Seth and the rest of your family. I will pray for you and your family. As March draws near I am sure it will be bitter sweet for your family.

God Bless.
Shaney

Pam said...

What a beautiful story you have. All of your children are absoutley adorable.

We have a son who is three and has Down syndrome. He's had a pretty rough start too.

I don't know if you have seen the Sign language videos, Signing Time, but I am giving away some on my blog right now, and there really aren't a whole lot of entries, so you have a pretty good chance at winning. :D

Here's the link http://theflockofbirds.blogspot.com/2009/02/signing-time-giveaway.html

It's an awesome way to learn ASL. We started with Rhett when he was just 4 months old, and now he has well over 350 signs. AMAZING.

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Huge ((HUGS))

Curdie said...

I'm so sorry for you loss. Thanks for sharing. I'm crying for you.

Firefly Photo Jewelry said...

He is beautiful! Thanks so much for sharing him (and your faith) with us all...

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