Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Heavy Day

Last night, I was online ordering the kids birth certificates because I was supposed to turn Ava's in at the beginning of the school year and I didn't. That's the disorganization rearing it's ugly head. I got her birth certificate once, but it's disappeared into the ether.

Anyway, as I was filling out the forms, I saw a link I've never seen before. It was a link to request a Certificate of Birth resulting in Stillbirth. That's a mouthful, but the jist of it is that it's basically a birth certificate for Eli.

A Birth Certificate. For Eli. That I was told I couldn't get.

After he was born, I asked about a Birth Certificate, and they said it would not be available for me, as he died before he was born. I was told that I didn't live in California, and therefore was out of luck.

It wasn't true.

In 2006, a law was passed that stated that parents of stillborn babies born after the 20th week of gestation were entitled to a certificate of birth for their children. The hospital, coroner, and funeral home are all supposed to inform parents of that right.

No one told us.

It males me mad.

I have spent nearly two years feeling like he somehow didn't count because no one recorded his birth. It's such a small thing, but having that piece of paper would have validated me and my feelings beyond anything I can imagine. I felt like he didn't really exist, because there was no piece of paper telling me he did.

Now I know that he and I are both entitled to a record of his birth. Problem is, they need his death certificate to issue his birth certificate. That seems ironic, huh? Of course, keeping rack of my son's death certificate was never high on my list of priorites. Looking at that thing depressed me more than I can express...second only to looking at the disc of metal that went into the crematory with him. That depresses me more. That makes me want to throw up.

I digress. In any case, I've got to find it, or pay vital statistics to find it. Then I can apply for his birth certificate.

Then I will feel like he was actually here. In a hundred years, if a genealogist is studying our family for some strange reason, Eli with be there, right along with the rest of us. The will see that he lived. They will see that he counted.

Feels good.

17 comments:

E said...

Wow... Well, you do whatever it takes to get that into your posession because its something YOU CAN DO! Good for you! I'm so glad you found that. =0)

I gave you props and a little award on my blog tonight... when ya feel like it, you can come take a look.

xoxoxox

Mandy and Jack said...

Oh my gosh, Ellyn! I can't believe they wouldn't give you a birth certificate in the first place! But I'm so glad that you're going to get one now. I'll be praying hard that you find everything to get it!!

Shanda said...

I'm sorry you have to do some "running around" to get it, but what a wonderful thing for you to be able to have.

Maybe God has sweet purpose for it happening now. I am believing that the day you actually receive it will be worth the wait.

HUGS!

Midwest Mommy said...

How happy I am for you that you get this validation. That's the way it should be.

Amy Genn said...

Good for you. I'm glad you get to have that closure....
Amy
Mom to an Eli :)

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

I can't imagine them not giving you a birth certificate in the first place - I am so happy that you will be able to get one for Eli!!

Analiza Bernat said...

Not giving you a birth certificate??? That's ridiculous, the staff members should be informed that YOU were misinformed, just in case another family goes through this. I hope you find the documents you need to ensure that Eli will forever be remembered and make no mistake ELI WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED AND HE DID EXIST!

Rachel said...

I know it's hard (my sister went through loosing a baby herself). But you are right - it will make you feel better when it's all done and over with.

I think sometimes people don't realize how much these "little" things mean. I am glad you found the link for your little boy.

Kara said...

I'm so glad you found this El. Eli DOES count - he's your precious little boy and a member of your family, and the fact that they refused you a birth certificate the first time when you were entitled to one makes me more angry than I can even express. You and your family - especially your sweet little boy - deserve to have this.

Also, if you'll be free this afternoon, I'm going to call you after work. But today is Jeff's birthday, so if I can't get a hold of you then (it'll be between 3 and 4), I'll just try back tomorrow. So much has been going on, and I just want to hear your voice! I miss you.

Kameron said...

That's wonderful that you can get a birth certificate. It seems that time would be hard enough without someone telling you that you couldn't have one. I hope you find the death certificate or get one soon. I keep all of our important papers in a file in the filing cabinet. Then I always know where they are when I need them!

Amanda said...

Isn't it awful that the gov't can decide who was born and who wasn't? My daughter was born dead at 19 weeks but she didn't qualify for a real birth/death cert. I am so glad that you will be able to get something for Ian. ((hugs))

Luckily, though, our hospital does these birth recognition certificates. My live babies got them also, and they are all framed and on our wall, including Allison (the one waiting for me in Heaven).

Amanda said...

Whoops! Sorry! I wrote Ian instead of Eli. I apologize.

THAT GIRL said...

You are such a sweet soul... I appreciate the words you write, because they remind all of us that all babys born still counted... they were wanted and are loved.

Lindsey said...

That's amazing, El! I will be sure to pray that everything comes together so that you're able to get his BIRTH certificate! LOVE YOU!

Julie said...

Well...Eli WAS here & you have pics to prove it. It's upsetting that the hospital didn't have the information & I'd be tempted to call them to tell them that.

I truly hope you're able to get the birth certificate! I'm praying!

Trish said...

While I encourage you to get your paper proof, I assure you- he counts anyway.

I had 2 early miscarriages before Robbie and that's been the 2nd hardest part (the first being actually losing them)- that no one seems to think they count. I still have the u/s of my first.. while I don't display it, it's mine and proves he was mine. I wish I had one from the 2nd as well. He was real and counted, whether the rest of the world thinks so or not.

annie said...

I'm glad the truth has come out, I hate that people who should know these things professionally don't. They say a piece of paper doesn't matter, I know in my situation, it does.

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