Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dear Seth

My Sweet Bubby, 
You're 8 months old today! Today we were at your pediatrician's office, trying to figure out why you won't gain weight, and she said "He is so challenging! Before he was even born he was giving us headaches!" Don't get your feelings hurt, though, because she is in love with you! The day after you got released from the NICU, we headed in to her office so she could see you and she came running down the hallway, arms out, saying "Is my baby here?!"


That's why I love Dr. Amy and why we'll always stay with her. She really cares about you, about Ava and Jace, and even me. When your brother Eli died, she called me to tell me how sorry she was, and she told me her own very sad stories of loss, about how long she'd been trying for her own baby and how many devastating losses she had been through. Knowing that about her, and knowing that every morning she gets up and loves every one of her patients as much as she loves you, even though it has to be hard for her to be around babies all day when all she wants is one of her own, I am amazed by her. 

We didn't get very far on the food issue, but you did something amazing since last Thursday...you gained almost 6 ounces! You went from not gaining a thing for a month to gaining 6 ounces in 6 days! It must have been all those prayers and Ritz Crackers you've been downing, because I can tell you what it wasn't...supplements. You laugh in the face of a bottle, and you curl your lip at formula. You have told us, over and over in the past few days, that it just ain't happening, and that you'll be content to nurse, eat Ritz Crackers, and stare longingly at Subway brownies until you're old enough to eat one. I have decided I am going to let you be and stop worrying about you...you're apparently living life with your own agenda, doing it all on your own time line.



You're beginning to sit well on your own if you have a toy in front of you that interests you, and you love to stand hanging onto something. You have decided that rolling over or even laying down is for pansies, and you prefer to be upright at all times, even when you can't hold yourself up anymore. You've turned into a little monkey, balancing on my hip, one arm clutched tightly on my arm, the other grabbing madly for everything in your reach, like faces. You're a big face grabber. To greet people you know, you'll grin at them and reach wildly for their face or hair and grab on.


In just 7 days, you'll be going on your first train ride! We're taking the train from Orlando to New York City, and I can't tell you how excited I am...we were there last year, when you were taking up residence in my belly, and I can't tell you how many times I wondered if we would be back with you this year. It feels like too much good fortune for us to be taking you with us, our healthy, happy 8 month old. During my pregnancy, all the doctors were so negative about your chances, I didn't allow myself to hope for a happy outcome, and yet here we are.


When I was pregnant with you, I prayed desperately for a little boy. After your brother died, I just wanted something of him to go on, and when we sat in the ultrasound room at 15 weeks and the tech told us you were a boy, I was so relieved...I didn't want to replace Eli, but our hearts were begging for a little boy who I could pass his things down to, just like I would have if he had been here. You just outgrew that last outfit that was a hand me down from Eli, and that was hard. There's something so sad about growing older than your sibling ever had the chance to, and sometimes when I look at you, I wonder what Eli would have been like at this age. He was so different from you and your fair haired, blue eyed, golden boy looks...Eli had black, curly hair and a very serious look, more serious than you've ever been in your life. But there is one thing that you guys share, and that's your ridiculously big feet. 



Thank you for being our blessing, Seth. It has been so amazing to spend every waking (and many sleeping) moments with you for the past eight months. I can already see the little boy you are becoming and even though I may seem short tempered and like I want a break on the days you make it clear you need to be held every second, the bond you and I have surpasses anything I've ever experienced, and I want to thank you for insisting on it. Walking into the room and seeing your face light up and hearing your little voice say "Mmmm!" insistently as you hold your arms out to me makes every single second of my life worthwhile. When they told me you couldn't hear, I thought I would never hear you call my name, and you've proven me wrong already, on your own terms, in your own way.

I love you, Seth B.

Love,

Mama

24 comments:

Julie said...

What a beautiful post & such a precious little guy! He sounds like Trevor...just does things in their own time. So glad he's gaining weight!

Look at how much money is being raised! SO exciting!!!

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

What a wonderful letter to Seth. He sounds like such a fun happy boy - I have no doubt that he and Jack would be best buddies if they lived closer to each other!!

I am so happy to read that he is gaining weight!! I hope he keeps it up!!

Rose said...

What a great, spunky kid he is!

(Okay, tell me more about this train ride. we may need a babymooon)

avbernat said...

Such a touching and real stroll through the last 8 months. El, you are so blessed to have a beautiful boy that you so longed for and is perfect in EVERY way. Seth, you steal my heart every time I see a picture of you. You are a blessing to your family. It is because of you and Eli that everyone is here, you united us all.

I cannot wait to read stories about him walking and talking, first days of school, how well he does and all the great things to come for you Seth.

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

Precious!

Have fun in NY!!

Kameron said...

That was sweet. You can tell you are really talking straight to him! Good job on gaining 6 oz! I'm telling you, I have plenty of ounces to spare, maybe I can donate some. Tee hee! Have fun in NY!

Rachel said...

Your sweet boy is just so precious. I will continue to pray that he gains weight! Many blessings~Rachel

EH said...

He's beautiful.... some babies just like to take their time. Our daugther... born at 10 lbs really slowed down {she too was determined to only nurse and didn't even want foods}... she was 19 lbs at a year. She was healthy otherwise and still is... and is a nice normal weight. Good luck with you beautiful little guy.

Shanda said...

So sweet & tender. I'd let that little one grab my face and hair anytime!

Excited your are past the $2,000 mark!

Sparkette said...

That was so nice. Thank you for sharing that with us. He is so precious! I wish I could give that boy a squeeze on his cheeks! :)

Love Mom said...

"What a beautiful letter," she said as she wiped the tears that streamed down her face. Perhaps I should stop reading this at work.

Came across your blog yesterday; delurking today to let you know what a great family you have there.

Anna said...

He is such a little heartbreaker...look at those dimples. By the way, my mom e-mailed me and said she chipped in for Seth's implants too :)

Laura said...

What a sweet letter to Seth - gosh he is so adorably cute!!! Good on ya Seth - none of that yucky supplement - he's a smart kid, your boy! ;)

writing4612 said...

It's invaluable to have a good doctor that gebuinely cares for your child.

Doctors told me I was a mystery, but I just let it go eventually. The only opinion that matters is God.

Thanks for pouring your heart out in this letter and blog.

I am Trish Marie said...

Yay for the weight gain! Emmi has trouble too with weight gain. I have always just let her eat what she feels like (sometimes really bad things like cupcakes for breakfast! I know. Shame!), but she is hanging in there. So, I figure it must be working. I say keep bringing on the Ritz crackers, and even that brownie when he is old enough!

Also, you mentioned the sound Seth makes when he sees you. Record it. Get it on video. Emmi used to make these "whale baby" sounds, as we called them. They stopped soon after her implant was activated, as she switched to typical baby babble.

Tricia
http://jillslittlesis@blogspot.com

BeLovedAiMeE said...

beautiful post! Seth is a doll. I am so glad I came across your blog. It seems I am coming across more and more babies to love and pray for and I just LOVE that!!

WendyCarole said...

Seth you are such a gorgeous boy

4 Lettre Words said...

First, I call both of my boys "Bubby". Second, he is such a doll.

Hope you gals and guys have a fantastic trip!!!

Anna said...

Beautiful. Happy 8 Months!

kidjuggler said...

Wonderful, tear jerking post! Happy 8 months to you, Seth!

Sarah said...

Oh I just love him. He's so stinkin' beautiful!

I love this letter to him. Gosh he's just perfect.

Kaycee said...

Hi there! I just stumbled upon your blog. That was such a sweet post. Your Seth is precious.
We just found out our youngest daughter has Albinism and she has limited vision. It's been a struggle, but it's encouraging to see others who are so strong in their walk with God.

Dawn said...

What a precious, precious little miracle from God he is.

I hope you all have a wonderful train ride to NYC! =)

Trish said...

ack! *wipes tears* You're such a wonderful momma.

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