Saturday, June 27, 2009

What Should Be Here

What should be here (in place of this post) is pictures of Ava performing in her recital yesterday. She was a beautiful water lily, but I can't find my cord to transfer pictures. Can someone help me with that? Thanks.

So instead of that fun post, you're getting this one.

What should be here (in my living room) is a little boy, going on 2 1/2, but he left us too soon. I don't know what he would be like today, but I hope he would like to cuddle.

What should be here (in my lap) is a 8 1/2 month old, naturally hearing baby. But he was born too soon, and he lost his hearing in the fight for his life. I know he's lucky to hear with his cochlear implants, and I hope someday he'll know how hard we fought for him.

What should be here (sitting beside me) is my husband, but he is working his second job, which helps us pay our bills. I used to work, but all of Seth's therapy made it impossible, so John works to pick up the slack. I hope he knows we miss him when he's working.

What should be here (inside me) is motivation to cook, to clean, to play, but that is sorely lacking right now. I hope my kids understand that I love them more than I could ever put into words, even when the best I can do is play the sleepy dragon in our games.


Nothing's ever the way it should be. Maybe that's because we have the wrong definition for "should."

9 comments:

Rose said...

Life is hard, I have a lot of shoulds this evening as well.

We just moved to Wesley Chapel, is that anywhere near you?

Analiza said...

What should be there, is already there and that's you and your family. Although Eli is not physically there, he lives through you.

All the chores and all those moments of feeling overwhelmed are just reminders that you are exactly where you should be. Loving and caring for your children and husband.

You're doing a great job El!!! Continue to inspire me =) Praying for you!

melissa said...

Hope you don't mind me asking, how premature was Seth? I was a premature baby too and this too resulted in my hearing loss

Sonya said...

I am glad that i am not the only one that has pity posts! I am so sorry that things aren't going the way that you think they should.

Jenifer said...

I have been going threw alot here lately and you post shows me so are others but the show must go on

Taking Heart said...

You have a precious family... and your children will remember that you played with them long before they ever notice their bed was made. Sleepy Dragons are the best!

Emily said...

I get a case of the "shoulds" too often too. Then I remember what we think "should be" and what God thinks "should be" aren't always the same thing...

writing4612 said...

Yes, sometimes we do have the wrong definition of should.

We focus on what we don't have instead of what we do. It helps me to take a step back to put everything in perspective.

Michele said...

Awwwe...I'm sorry. There are so many Should Be's....and yes, you are allowed to think of what should have been. But those should be's are making you the person that you are today...strong, loving, one that appreciates all that you have...and all that you dont have, caring, and a fighter!
Your little one that is not there...he is playing with my little Nick in Heaven and with us when we need a little angel hug or kiss.
You are a great mother and person!

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