Saturday, July 11, 2009

Baby Baby


As far as the pregnancy itself goes, I do feel like this baby is a blessing in disguise. I found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day and after the initial shock wore off, I felt like we were both getting excited. We didn't want to share the news, as so much can happen early on, but I did get some early ultrasounds due to a subchorionic hemmorhage and finally, it looks like a baby!

In a bit of shocking news, I have yet to throw up, my first trimester will be over in just a couple of days. This is definitely a first! I have definitely been exhausted and felt very sick, but not actually throwing up has been a huge blessing.

At this point, I don't plan to find out the baby's gender. I really want another girl, but have a strong feeling it's going to be a boy. I know if I wait until the baby is born and he/she is healthy, I won't care one way or another what sex it is!

The only problem with that is that I tend to have roughly 987,345,343 ultrasounds during pregnancy. My pregnancies are very high risk, due to pre-term labor and some cervical issues, and of course Eli's stillbirth. I also tend to test positive for gestational diabetes (which for me translates to insulin) pretty much immediately after I get a positive pregnancy test. All that being said, my doctor ends up seeing me at least 1-2 times a week for appointments from the second trimester on. Being pregnant for me is it's own job, which is why when we discussed more babies, we wanted to wait until Seth was older. But...the best laid plans, you know?

There are lots of things I'm nervous about. Because Eli never received an official cause of death, I am roughly 5 more times likely to suffer another still birth. My last three babies have been born at 35, 35, and 34 weeks, and their lungs have looked very young for their gestational age, probably due to the diabetes. With Eli, I went on bedrest at 21 weeks until he was born. Obviously, considering my situation now, that would be almost impossible to handle. They also tend to be very large for their gestational age. For example, Seth was 7 pounds 1o ounces at 34 weeks. That's above average for a full term baby and humongous for a 34 weeker. As positive as being big seems, bigger babies often have a harder time in the NICU than smaller babies.

And the NICU. How I hate the NICU. I mean, I love it, don't get me wrong. The NICU and their lovely doctors and nurses have save two of my baby's lives. Jace's lungs were very premature and he contracted pneumonia and had a really rough start, and Seth had a host of his own issues, culminating in his deafness and developmental delays. Neither one of them would have survived without the care they received. But it's really hard looking back at the last five years and realizing that the odds of having a live, healthy, full term baby are really stacked against me. Luckily, I also know that odds have nothing to do with it.

Point being, pregnancy for our family is a double edged sword. Exciting, and ulcer inducing scary. A lot of families get to be pretty positive they're bringing home a baby if they make it past the first trimester, or their 20 week ultrasound goes well. For us, that scared feeling doesn't go away until we hear the baby crying, and I see that they can breathe and continue breathing on their own.

In spite of all those negative things I just wrote, I am thrilled about this baby. I am so excited that Seth is going to have a sibling that is close to his age. Ava and Jace are the very best of friends, and I've always hoped Seth would have a close relationship like that, too. (At this point, if Eli were here, our kids would be 4,3,2, and 1 on Friday. The new baby will be here when Seth is somewhere between 16-18 months old.)

My official due date is January 20th, and at my first appointment with my ob, he laughed and said "Let's shoot for December, okay?"

Um, yeah. I, personally, am committed to this being a 2010 baby.


20 comments:

Jennifer W. said...

Each pregnancy has brought more and more nervousness for me as I have gotten older and I'm more aware of just how fragile pregnancy is and just how many things have to go RIGHT to have a healthy baby. Thanks be to God I've never had any truly serious complications, but the complications I had were enough to scare me. I can't imagine being pregnant having gone through what you have been through. I am praying for all of you, John included, and I will certainly pray that this will be a 2010 baby! And that he/she is born healthy.
Jen

Kingdom Mama said...

Praise the Lord!! I'm agreeing with you for a healthy 2010 baby!

Kingdom Mama said...

Praise the Lord!! I'm agreeing with you for a healthy 2010 baby!

Kingdom Mama said...

Praise the Lord!! I'm agreeing with you for a healthy 2010 baby!

Kingdom Mama said...

Sorry, my computer is nuts today;)

Jessica Latshaw said...

Praying...for you and John and kids and this new baby;-)

Jennifer said...

A healthy 2010 baby sounds like a great idea! Take care of you the best you can! Praying....

natalie eve said...

El ~ I have been praying specifically for John. That God will soften and change his heart. That he will see the family he has created and the wife he vowed to love & protect in the good times and bad and know that is the only place God wants him to be. Now I will add another specific request for your family and will start praying for baby's arrival in 2010!
Much love to you & your family ~ Natalie Eve

Trish said...

I'm not sure how anything involved "leaving your family" can be painted in a good light. I will pray for him. You're a kind soul, El..

Congrats on the no morning sickness. Hopefully this'll be the pregnancy that shows you what pregnancy is SUPPOSED to be like.
Thinking full-term, no diabetes, healthy pregnancy thoughts.

Emily said...

I am praying for all y'all and especially your nerves during this time and this sweet baby which will hopefully be born in 2010!!!
Thanks for updating us!

Julie said...

Hey El. I know you're pregnancies have been rough, so you are always in my prayers.

I knew Seth had a birthday coming up (since Tyler has one soon too). I hope that it will be a special one for him.

I am here if you ever need to talk. You are an amazing woman and you WILL get through this. God bless you! Love you!

Following Him said...

You are an AWESOME mom who shines daily! Baby #5 will be perfect in every way! CONGRATS to you guys!
~Elyse

writing4612 said...

I read your last post. Things will work out--just try not to worry too much. That won't solve anything.

I'm praying for every member in your family because it affects EVERY person, not just one.

I'm believing for a healthy baby!

Sonya said...

congratulations. I will be praying for you and of course following along!! January is a good month. My baby will be 2 in January 2010!

4 Lettre Words said...

I haven't commented in a few weeks, but please know that I've kept up and we are praying for everyone involved!

XOXO!
Dina

Mandy and Jack said...

Yay! Baby updates!! I'm glad to know you're not pukey this time around.

Sooo I guess you're not going on the MckCruise anymore, huh? Since you're, you know, supposed to be birthing another human that week... Sad for me, but I guess that's a good reason. :)

Me said...

Congrats!

I'm pregnant with you, due Jan. 4th with baby #3 for us. I am hoping for a 2009 baby, but well...that wouldn't be nearly as drastic for me as it would be for you.

Keeping you all in our prayers.

Shanda said...

Wow! Congratulations!!! God's timing is perfect! I'm sitting here in awe of how Seth has been able to have his surgery and be progressing so well all before his first birthday.

I can understand your apprehensions. I will be praying for God's peace to fill you & John. Agreeing with you for 2010!!

Love & prayers sweet friend!

Christie said...

Ellyn, We've been gone for the past week, and I was heartbroken to receive the news about your family. I have lifted so many prayers up for you all, and they will continue. After reading this post, I just wanted to let you know that, after two very complicated pregnancies, our family and our doctors were all set for a third very complicated pregnancy. Ethan was our first pretty-much normal non-eventful pregnancy! I'll be praying that, for you, this one defies the expectations!

liz said...

Ellyn, I don't know what to say...I'm so sorry about your separation (and I'm hopeful you can work things out!!) and yay for an upcoming baby. What a confusing time, you must feel so emotionally drained...I wish I could help somehow but VA is so far from FL. I haven't read your blog in ages and something posted on your facebook made me think I should check in on you. Hang in there, I will be thinking of you!

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