Thursday, August 6, 2009

16 weeks and X or Y?

Yesterday marked 16 weeks. I received my first shot of hydroxy-progesterone which was just no fun at all. When the nurse was injecting it into my...well, hip/bum area, she said "Wow, doesn't feel like it's been a year since the last time we were doing this, huh?"

Nope, it sure doesn't. Can't wait to come back and do it 20 more times, either. Fun times! The shots hurt going in, but the day after is the worst. The progesteron is in oil, and because of how thick it is, it takes quite a while to disperse, I guess. My hip and leg are usually sore for a couple of days afterwards. Now, on a scale of one to suck, it's not terrible or super painful, but I wouldn't sign up for it for kicks, either. The needle is kind of big and freaks me out a little. It was especially nice of that pharmacist who compounded my prescription to tell me that "These shots tend to be very painful." Thanks, dude. What happened to sugar coating things?

I just can't make up my mind about whether I want to find out what this baby is or not. With Ava and Jace, we knew we wanted to find out. With Eli, we wanted to be surprised. We had one of each, we had all the 'stuff' we needed. I was excited about waiting until the baby's birth day for the big reveal.

Then, suddenly, my pregnancy leapt into the high risk category, thanks to a very short cervix at 19 weeks. We were having ultrasounds every week, sometimes multiple times a week. It didn't take long for someone to slip and say "He's got long legs!" or something to that effect, and that was that. The cat was out of the bag.

In retrospect, of course, I'm glad that we knew he was a boy. I was able to bond with him more that way, I think, and I really felt like I knew him before he died.

With Seth, I knew I needed to know what he was, and the sooner, the better. More than that, I needed him to be another boy. Not to replace Eli, but...I can't really explain it. By the time I got pregnant with Seth, we'd been waiting to add a living son to our family for over a year. I needed a little boy, and when I was fifteen weeks along, I found out that I was getting my wish.

This time around, I just don't know. At the beginning of my pregnancy, John and I had a long talk about it and we both said we didn't want to know. We wanted the surprise. We have everything we need, and we can buy cute clothes after.

I had a few ultrasounds early in my pregnancy, due to a minor complication. But next week the serious onslaught will begin. I'll be getting cervical measurements via ultrasound on a pretty regular basis, and I just don't know what to do! John no longer wants to wait...he says things are different now, so we should probably know (I have no idea why his leaving means it makes more sense to know whether the baby is a boy or girl, but that's what he said). I'm torn.

It would be cool to be surprised, but is it really that much better than being surprised in the ultrasound room? I mean, it's still a surprise, right? If I find out, I can start really thinking of names, which I have a hard time doing when I don't know what "it" is. Some of my friends have said it was better than Christmas waiting to find out, and others have said they loved the close bond they got by calling their child by their name before birth. I have been driving myself crazy.

What did you do? What made you decide? Will you do anything differently next time around? I have one girl and three boys. Ava and I are both secretly pulling for a girl to dress up, although my friends' adopted son Allen is so flipping cute that another boy would not be so bad either. =)

Oh, and the latest name suggestions? Jace want's to name the baby Kai Lan, and Ava wants to name it Ben or Sunflower. I think Kai Lan and Sunflower blend just great with Ava, Jace, Seth, and Eli. Totally.
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