Monday, February 8, 2010


So I came to Starbucks tonight to hang and get some work done answering emails and blogging while John had his visit with the kids and instead I have gotten sucked into the longest and strangest twittversation in the world. Then I started chatting with one of my best friends on face book, and then somehow I found some LOST theory I hadn't read yet.

So in other words, I'm an easily distracted procrastinator.

I know I know, you all knew that already.

I just...I love my friends. I have a handful of friends who I have known for ten-fifteen years now, who have been there for every big and small event in my life, who can off the top of their head remember the nicknames we had for boys so we could talk about them in code, who have seen me cry my very ugliest cry, who have laughed so hard we've all ended up laying on the ground trying to desperately to breathe. They were there for my soap operatastic high school and college experience, and they rode the roller coaster right along with me no matter how melodramatic it got. The friends who know my shorthand, who I can call after months of no contact and jump right into a conversation we had maybe a year ago.

Then I have the friends who I met after moving to Florida six years ago, who have stood alongside me as I navigated the uncharted territory of motherhood, who have answered my calls and refused to laugh when I beg them for guidance on whether or not my kid is drinking too much water or rolling over at the proper time. These friends stood unflinchingly behind me as I dealt with the loss of Eli, no matter how distant, self absorbed, and distracted I was. They helped me plan his memorial, they go out of their way to say his name, they are always willing to come sit in my living room and drink sangria and talk about how we're most likely messing up our kids. These friends will guard my pride when I need help, parent my children as if they were their own, and let me give back in the limited ways I can right now.

In many ways, these friends are like family to me, as precious to me as my mom and my extended family and they have earned that place by being amazing.

But the friends I never expected were the ones I met here, on this little piece of property on the internet, the people who were inexplicably drawn to our story, who took it upon themselves to comment or email and probably comment and email again because I'm such a loser at communicating, and who somehow over the past year and a half have become such close friends that I can call them unexpectedly when I'm going into labor or call at any time of day just to chat without a good reason. I plan visits and vacations with them and when we meet up we have so much fun that it's almost impossible we've just met...from the internet. They make me laugh so hard I cry, and I feel like I've known them forever. It's crazy, but they've become as valuable to me as many of my "real life" friends, even become real life friends to me, and sometimes I can't believe what amazing people I have in my life.

So I guess all of that is to say that while keeping your spouse first and your priority is so important, don't forget to guard your friendships as well. If, God forbid, anything does happen to your marriage or relationship, your friends and family are going to be the most important people to you, the first responders in healing and guarding your heart as you try to go about your life in a whole new world. I would even venture to say that having good friends, a good support system to hold us accountable and remind us of who we are can actually make us better husbands and wives than we would be in a vacuum, when we expect our spouse to be absolutely everything to us. While that's ideal, there are going to be times in a marriage when one spouse just can't give 100% for whatever reason, and in those situations, it's imperative to have friends around who can help pick up the slack in an appropriate manner while guiding us towards building our marriage up and not tearing it down.

I love friends.
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