Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Duel Part 2

I have had what you might call a bad day today. Actually, that's not true. I have having a perfectly passable day, but then I had a conversation which basically put my day right in the toilet. Figuratively, of course, although I did literally almost throw up at some points of said conversation.

I want to blog about it so bad. So, so bad. I don't know if I'm being a wimp and not bold enough or whether it's really not blog fodder, but I'm trying to hold myself back for now. Suffice it to say that it's messed up. Super messed up.

It's hard. And it's about my dear ex husband and it makes me want to head butt him again. If only.

Anyway, I was on the phone with Mara about said nausea inducing conversation. While I was talking to her, I was steam mopping my floor with my beloved Shark. I feel better about talking on the phone if I'm cleaning, so it worked out well for me. I was talking, already working up a pretty good steam myself (haha! Pun intended! Get it? Working up a steam while I was steam mopping? Get it?) when I noticed something on the floor. I assumed I had just missed it when I swept up before mopping, but when I went to mop over it, it moved.

It was a huge, giant roach.

Possibly this one. 

No, scratch that. I saw how huge he was and his sickening antennae and I knew it was nemesis. Or his second cousin once removed, at least.

Still on the phone, I started smashing him with the steam mop, which is actually fairly heavy. I figured even if the mop didn't kill him the steam would. But every time I lifted the mop, the sucker scuttled off. I ended up beating the thing senseless, nailing it at least 15 times with the mop all the while yelling into the phone about how this was the bionic roach that wouldn't die. Mara was dying laughing on the other end of the phone. Come to think of it, she could probably hear me from her house and didn't need the phone connection. She was cracking up, telling me to take out my frustrations on the cockroach.

Finally I got the perfect hit in and the bug's guts splattered all over the floor. I finished mopping and my phone conversation, then got distracted by some other task. I was still fuming, and finally I remembered and grabbed a dustpan and mop to sweep up the remains. As I swept up the roach, it's body flipped over and I noticed it's legs. It's gross, spindly, very much moving legs.

Yeah. The bionic freak cockroach was still alive and kicking, even though it's guts were all over my floor. Sickening. I screamed and gingerly made my way out of the house and dumped the body far far away from my house. Then I stomped the crap out of it. If it comes back to life now it is definitely demonically possessed.

It felt good. And I won't lie, I was picturing a certain someone's face while I was stomping and it felt pretty awesome.

Hopefully tomorrow is better, which sounds weird to say.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend and not being tormented by huge bugs.
blog comments powered by Disqus
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...