Giving Thanks.

I think I might have a little bit of post traumatic stress after last Thanksgiving. After all, Turkey Day last year was the beginning of a pretty insane week for me, and some of my feelings about it all have just started coming to the surface.

These things can come back and hit you hard...what it really felt like to be there, helpless, not knowing what was going on with my daughter. The days in bed, all the hurrying up and waiting, and finally, the mad dash to the OR to get her out before we lost her.

We got a happy ending, though, a healthy, happy daughter, and I'd go through it all over again for Evany, on my own or not. It's all worth it.

I guess I just didn't realize how much I still had left to process. Once she came home, I got caught up in the day to day of just getting life done, and doing what I had to do. I never stopped to be upset or angry or sad about the week leading up to her birth or the circumstances surrounding it. I probably should have, because now, the thought of cooking Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow is messing with my head something fierce. I have connected Thanksgiving food with self righteous anger. That's no fun.

Luckily, I think I am hungry enough for sweet potatoes and scalloped corn that I will be able to power through it, and then it will get easier. Seriously, though, who wouldn't have a little stress over the fact that they cooked amazing Thanksgiving food and never got to eat it? I mean, seriously.

But it's made me think. When Evany was born, we were told to plan on her spending the holidays there. She came home early, but that's not the case for everyone. Some families are stuck celebrating in the NICU or away from their babies, and some people's babies don't come home at all. Evany's birthday is in six days, and I want to do something for other families in the position I was in last year. We normally take preemie gifts to the hospital for Seth and Jace's birthday, but with Evany's birthday being during the holidays, I want to do something more. Something to help cheer up families in the NICU, or, for that matter, mom's on bedrest in the hospital, this time of year.

If you're interested in helping our NICU, or a NICU or L & D ward near you in honor of Evany's birthday, or if you have a suggestion about something that would be appreciated, will you comment or email me? If we all do something I bet we could really help spread a little cheer to some NICU families before Christmas.

I'd love to get out of my own head and give a little thanks this year, because I've been given an awful lot.