Tuesday, November 10, 2009

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to

Before I start whining, remember to leave a comment here to enter to win a $50 gift certificate to Nelle & Lizzy!
You guys are cracking me up with your corny jokes, hilarious stories, and name guesses...some of you have come close, but no cigar yet!


Welcome to my pity party! Well, kind of.

So some of you may know I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow. Overall, things in my pregnancy have been going great, aside from giving myself insulin 2-3 times a day and getting really annoying progesterone shots (don't get me started on the one I got today...the plunger wouldn't work and she kept moving it around....ahhh!). The baby (Bindi, you know) is measuring in the 63rd percentile, has hair, and looks pretty cute if you ask me, although she doesn't like to pose for pictures. While my cervix has given us some minor scares a couple of times, for the most part it has been cooperative and stable and not sent me to the hospital. I've only had one hospitalization for contractions so far.

Today I went in for a non stress test and we found I was contracting a fair bit and not feeling it. Then he checked my cervix and found I was dilated 1-2 centimeters, which I was not last week.

I mean, it's not abnormal for people who have been through multiple pregnancies to dilate a bit earlier on, but at the same time, it's just really frustrating. This is exactly what happened with Eli, and within a week I was dilated to 4 centimeters and in the hospital getting a really fun Magnesium cocktail.

I guess I thought we might avoid some of the issues we had with the boys. Instead, things are progressing in a textbook manner the same exact way. It's just disheartening, I guess. I have lots of support and great people around me, but I just miss my husband, and I want him here with me, instead of off with his girlfriend. Then I get mad at myself for even wanting him when I've been abandoned for this whole pregnancy. Ugh. It's just stressful.

My OB basically said to take it easy, but that with my history, he doesn't think doing anything official like bedrest will help. He knows my situation, so knows that it's pretty much impossible for me to get a ton of downtime with all the kids and their school schedules, therapy, et cetera. He basically just said we'll keep an eye on things, give the betamethasone shots to develop her lungs if it looks like she'll come before 34 weeks, and see what happens. He's not willing to risk doing too much to keep her inside if she's intent on coming, what with what happened to Eli and how quickly he went from fine to gone, so it's basically just a wait and see situation...I could keep dilating and contracting, and she could come soon, or I could still be pregnant in a month, or possibly longer.

I hate this. If she has to be in the NICU, I don't know how I'll juggle everything. And just as a sidenote, Seth is no closer to walking than he was last month, and I am beginning to think he will still be a crawler when this baby comes. I was really, really hoping he'd be walking. Ergh.

Oh, and something funny Jace said today:

"Mom, did you know that (name removed!) can't hear?"
"What do you mean? That she can't hear while she's in my tummy?"
"Oh, no, she can't hear at all. She won't be able to hear until she gets her new ears."
"What are those?"
"You know, like Seth's. She can't hear at all now."
"Where did you hear that?"
"Oh, God told me. God talks to me all the time."

Weird, huh? Strangest thing about it was that when I woke up the morning of the day that Seth ended up being born, before my water broke, Jace came up to me and said "Good morning! The baby is coming today."

Ava was talking to her great grandmother about whether or not the baby would be hearing, and my grandmother said "Well, we just have to pray that she can hear." Ava looked at her and said "Actually, I think it's pretty cool that Seth is deaf."

It cracks me up...they literally don't think of his deafness as anything negative or bad, just different. I think that is really cool.

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