cautiously optimistic...no, cautiously excited.

Okay, so things happen with really weird timing sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time.

Yesterday, on what should have been one of the most wholly depressing days of my life, one of those rays of sunshine shot right in.

Exactly when I needed it.

I mean, to be technical, it's more the idea of a ray of sunlight than an actual ray, at this point, but...I'll take it.

Don't get excited, it has nothing to do with John.

So we've been very behind on our mortgage for a while. Quite a while. Nearly a year. We had a really expensive mortgage, because we bought our very modest house at the very height of the market. Then it crashed. Big time. Add that to John's income dramatically decreasing nearly a year ago (for various reasons we won't go into), you have a big problem. When we bought the house, we bought thinking our mortgage insurance would drop off within three years. Which it should have, if the property continued gaining value the way it had been.

Except it didn't. We got a house, along with lots of other people out there, that was actually depreciating in value before our eyes.

That was super fun.

But it was still our home, and we worked incredibly hard on it. We spent I don't know how many nights scraping popcorn off the vaulted ceilings and texturizing the walls, which is basically the messiest job in the world. I had lots of general ideas about what I wanted it to look like, and John put my plans into action. Dark wood floors and big, pretty tile... fancy baseboards, closet and interior doors we spent entirely to much time and effort choosing.  I spent a week deciding on which door knobs to order. Picking paint colors for every room, designing and decorating the kids rooms. Seth's room is one of my favorite rooms ever.

We put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into our house, and while it's just a house, it's our home. It's far from fancy, but it has a great driveway for scootering and an awesome great room and the best next door neighbors anyone could ask for. When I think about leaving it and moving into some characterless apartment, I literally want to throw up.

So when we were served papers saying that we were going into foreclosure last week, I couldn't even focus. I had no options, and I'd been awarded a lot less child support than I'd been hoping for. It overwhelmed me to even start thinking of how to find a place when my credit was shot because of the foreclosure and divorce. Every time we'd tried to work out a deal in the past to catch up, the terms weren't something we could swing at all.

We'd been planning on talking with the mortgage company one more time, but I was a little distracted with the hearing and all, so when I got a text from John what I had said to the mortgage company, I was confused. I hadn't had a chance to call them yet, although all the paperwork was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He said that someone had called him saying something had changed and they could offer us a better payment. I asked him for the number of the person he spoke to.

Now, if you know me in real life you know that I have a crippling phone issue. I never call anyone unless I specifically know they want me to call them. I hate calling people. Like getting calls, hate calling. In the past, I always asked John to call to deal with bills and told him what to say.

But for some reason yesterday I just...called. Just picked up the phone and called, right then.

And thank God I did.

For the first time, we are being offered a deal I may actually be able to afford long term. Not easily, and things would be beyond tight (although truthfully they will be that way no matter where we live), but I'm freaking out excited. Cautiously, of course. To be able to stay here, in my home and next to my best friends, would be beyond amazing to me. I have a support system here I wouldn't have anywhere else.

So, can I ask you al to pray like crazy for me? I know you've already been doing that, but to pray specifically for this...it would mean the world to me. To start the program they're offering us, we would basically need to make what amounts to a double payment by the end of this month, which is a short period of time to come up with the money. I would love prayers for God's will, that if we're supposed to keep our home, I'll be able to come up with the money and continue to afford the payments. Although I have to say I think it's a pretty big God thing that this chance is even being offered to us.

I kind of feel like this may be my silver lining.