Day One

So I survived the day...surprisingly enough.

I was basically a huge dork and the entire way to the courthouse I played songs that were somehow meaningful to John and me like track nine from Lonely Grill by Lonestar (I still remember sitting outside some trashy gas station while he played that song for me just a few weeks after we started dating...it's one of those snapshot memories of mine, like a photo) and then I questioned my decision to put on mascara, because I was not looking pretty, let me tell you. Because obviously, we did not go All the way, To the end, All my life, And back again. Kind of ironic, really.

When I arrived, I found out I would totally have to lie under oath and say that I believed our marriage was irretrievably broken and counseling wouldn't help us. Apparently if I answered that I thought counseling would help, the judge could order us to go to counseling and delay the divorce.

And as tempting as that was, making John stay in the marriage against his will even longer wouldn't have helped anyone. I think.

That part sucked. I was panic texting Mara in the waiting room when my lawyer explained it to me, all crap what do I do, and then before I knew it I was in the room holding up my right hand.

I guess lying under oath was the last thoughtful thing I did for John while he was still my husband. I hope getting divorced brings him all the happiness he wants it to, because I'm feeling a little paranoid that I'm going to get carted off to jail for lying, or worse yet, that God is going to read me the riot act someday for not sticking to my guns.

In any case, it was over before I knew it. Then I cried some more in the car, because really, you should never have to attend a divorce hearing with your three month old. It's kind of just one of those things you don't do, like bring a baby to the bar.

Then, because John was randomly texting me anyway, I decided to inform him that we were officially divorced, (he didn't have to be at the hearing), although personally I think people should know when they've been divorced, kind of like how your ears are supposed to burn when someone's talking about you. It could be like that but worse. Maybe another body part. So I was all "By the by, we're divorced." And he was kind of like "What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?" and then I said something like "Argh! What's wrong with you?!?!" and he was all "So, any exciting plans tonight?" And then I responded with something akin to "Yeah, doing some damage to my liver, you?"

It might have gone something like that. Or maybe slightly different. It's been one of those days, I couldn't rightly say.

But seriously, you should see the size of my new trash can. It's beyond anything you've ever seen. I could stick all four kids in and take them for a ride to the park.

On second thought, that would be kind of gross. If I do that I'll make sure it's before I've put any actual garbage in it.

But it's hardcore. No animals are going to be able to break into it, that's for sure.

Thank God for small blessings, I guess.

I can't thank you all enough for all of the calls, emails, texts, tweets, carrier pigeons, owls...I feel very loved. And most of all, thank you for praying for me, and for those of you who don't pray, thanks for doing a special dance in your boxers for me (Christopher!). You all brighten my life so much. I could quote the cheesy "My future's so bright I have to wear shades" quote, but it's very difficult me to find sunglasses that flatter my face, so I'll just say thanks.

I love you all.