Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I'm sitting here staring at a blinking cursor. There are a million things I want to post about...Evany's three month pictures, the new toy storage system we're putting into play, a funny post about how I accidentally make up words on twitter when I don't pay attention when I'm typing.

But I can't.

Because all I can think about , all I can write about, is the fact that around 9:15 tomorrow morning, some random judge will declare my marriage over. He'll put his signature on a piece of paper that lists our marriage in cold, hard, black and white facts, and then, just like that...

I'll be divorced.

I have almost exactly twelve hours of my marriage left.

My stomach is tied up in knots. I have been emotional all day. Last night John had a tough night with the kids and I felt like he was being short with me, as though it was my fault they weren't behaving. When he got ready to leave, I asked if he realized that the next time we saw each other, we wouldn't be married anymore.

He said it wouldn't change anything between us, but that he wasn't happy about it, that it sucked, but that it was still going to happen, and then he took the trash out.

And I cried.

It was somehow incredibly ironic that the last thing my husband was going to do for me as my husband was take out the trash.

Then, today, he texted me to see how the kids and I were doing, and right after that, I got a text saying that he bought a new trash can for me. A big 50 gallon one, with wheels and a lid.

Which is pretty exciting, since some of you may remember that someone stole our trash can a while back and I've just been putting the bags out and animals have been wreaking havoc and the neighbor lady yelled at me for creating a health hazard and she made me cry.

So I was pretty stoked. And he said he'd bring it tomorrow.

Tomorrow, when we won't be married anymore.

How can our marriage be over? He just bought me a trash can. Which with the week I've had, is kind of amazingly romantic. Yes, I find trash cans romantic. Because there is something wrong with me.

This must be some kind of mix up. I was positive that at some point, one of would say "Psych! Just kidding! Of course we're not getting divorced. That would be the craziest thing ever."

But no one did.

God, this sucks.
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