Friday, June 24, 2011

What We're Up To

I keep writing blog posts in my head but fail to post them because I have just physically and mentally and emotionally hit a wall.

I got strep throat this week and have been just ready to die. I think strep combined with the normal aches and pains of pregnancy has just been the straw that broke the camel's (that's me! lol) back. I had the worst body aches and I couldn't swallow and I was ready to give up. Luckily antibiotics are helping me recover and I'm coming out of the "just kill me now" stage and am squarely into wanting to hibernate until this pregnancy is over. 

I'm sorry...I've been trying really hard not to complain this pregnancy and just be thankful for a chance enjoy it while it lasts.   I've done a passable job of it but it's all coming to a head now that I've passed the 34 week mark.

Me and my friend Aimee- she's 30 weeks this week with a little boy as well!

Yeah. 34 weeks! It's crazy! I can't believe it. I am so excited and freaked out all at the same time. I'm so convinced we made the decision to come to Indiana...there are many factors at play, but I just know that getting away from the insane stressors I was dealing with there has played a role in the fact that I have not had to be in the hospital one time this pregnancy as well as the fact that I'm still pregnant! I'm thrilled. 

On the flip side, I'm scared to death that now that this baby has managed to stay put for so long something bad is going to happen to him. I was 35 weeks pregnant with Eli when he died while I was in labor, so I have a lot of emotions coming into play this week. I just want this baby to be healthy and alive. Now that I'm getting so close to getting him here safely the anxiety is coming into play a little more. I could definitely use some prayer for the remainder of this pregnancy. 

I'm now further along than I was when Evany and Seth were born. Eli and Jace came at 35 weeks, and Ava was 37 weeks, so if I go more than a couple more weeks I'll be in uncharted waters!

Ava has been in a Fine Arts camp all week at the church Seth's future preschool is at  and the specialty she chose was liturgical dance...that's so Ava. We just got back from her end of camp performance and it was hysterical. She and Jace are going to a day camp I attended growing up in Fort Wayne next week and they are so excited about learning about Native Americans and orienteering and cooking on a campfire. I think it's really cool that they're going to the same camp I went to as a kid! That's one cool thing about being back in my hometown. I still remember being thrilled to get to go there and it's a little surreal that now my kids are going the same spot. I must be getting old!

Seth has just been exploding this summer. He's been talking in 4 and 5 word sentences and running and beginning to jump up a storm. We're in the thick of potty training and it's going really well, which is kind of a shock to me. He's getting to be such a big boy...yet I still can't believe he'll be three next month. 

Evany is just hilarious and a joy to have around. She's starting to hold her own with the big kids and she's become obsessed with brushing and combing what little hair she has. It's pretty sad, but maybe all the brushing will make her hair grow. =)

I've missed writing here so much but have just felt really led to spend every second I can with the kids and soak up this time with them. School has turned into a huge commitment for me this summer (three weeks left!), and every second I'm not studying or taking tests I've been cuddling or playing or hanging with the four  pretty awesome kids. Time is going so fast and I don't want to miss the ages they all are right now...they're all so sweet and precious and precocious in their own ways and I want to make sure I'm not just giving lip service to putting them first but really doing it. Of course I'm also totally pregnant and hormonal and cry at the drop of a hat so that could be contributing as well. 

There are days I feel so beat down and frustrated and even sorry for myself and I just want to scream and yell about how unfair it is to be doing all of this in this way. But I know that while God didn't plan for me to be having and raising these kids on my own he can bring something good from it and I'm counting on that. I do know that I'll never take having a partner around to help out for granted every again. It's so easy to do, to take your husband for granted and pick apart the things he does but the flip side is so much harder! I remember the days I would stand at the door with a crying baby to hand over to my husband after a rough day to get some sanity and I totally took that for granted. What I wouldn't give to go back and get a do over in areas like that! 

Luckily we get a chance to learn from our mistakes. And any future husband of mine will be totally blessed by all the mistakes I've made. =) 

And that's what's going on with us. I've got two tests tonight and a paper to write. Hope you're all doing well!
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