Thursday, August 4, 2011

The view from here


All of the kids are in bed except for Coen. He is in the restless phase of his evening, when he needs his pacifier replaced every thirty seconds or he makes this crazy grunting noise and is only really content when I keep my hand on top of his head. He's an odd duck. =)

I'll be honest here...this going from four to five kids business is tough. I wouldn't have it any other way, of course, and I can't imagine my life without Coen and all of my other children in it. In fact, if there was any way I could have all six of my kids here, I'd choose that option in a heartbeat, no matter how tough it was. But really? Yeah, it's tough. I try not to complain about the tough parts of parenting because I don't want to sound like I'm not appreciative of the blessing my family is, but man. I'm tired. Add in moving and trying to get things organized and settled in here? Yeah. Really tired.

I think it's the ages of everyone more than anything else. Coen is nursing every three hours around the clock, Evany is quickly rounding the corner to the terrible two's and exerting her will on anyone who will listen as well as those who won't, and Seth is Seth...incredibly challenging, every day. Ava and Jace have been troopers through this transition and I know it will get better very soon. At the same time, I don't want to wish Coen's babyhood away.

We may have already turned the corner; Seth has been in the vicious cycle where if he naps he is up way too late, but it's almost impossible to keep him awake all day. Things were just spiraling out of control...he'd be up until midnight, then crash and be so tired the next day I couldn't keep him awake if my life depended in it. Then the whole cycle would happen all over again. But yesterday, magially, we managed to keep Seth distracted and awake until his normal bedtime, and he stayed awake again today! I'm already starting to feel a little better just having a small window of time with them all asleep so I can decompress. 

Now we just have to get potty training taken care of before next month and we'll be golden. 

On second thought, anyone want to come here and potty train an extremely stubborn yet adorable just-turned-three year old? No? I didn't figure.

In all seriousness, I feel really good about where we're at in life right now. We may not have chosen this path, but I feel like we've made the best of it and the kids are happy and healthy, we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and things are good. I've worked hard to follow God's will in all of this and while it can be hard for me to see what exactly that is, sometimes, I know that feeling so content and satisfied with the state of my heart and the kids' hearts means that I must be heading in the right direction. I can't do it on my own, and this healing has to be coming from God, so I'll take it all happily, the good and the bad, the fun and the exhaustion. I know someday I'll remember these days fondly, no matter how hard they feel right now. 

And on that note, the baby's hungry and adorable and I'm off to stare at him.

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